No key to Gnocchi

I am no wizard in the kitchen. Far from it. In fact, the number of things that I can make successfully can be counted on one hand. Despite this obvious hindrance in my character, I continually try to cook. When I'm not too tired from work, it's something that I love to do. There's just something about it that makes me happy. I'm quite the jolly cook. I sing, dance, make my food sing and dance, etc. while I work away. But I'm terrible at it. I have a red thumb when it comes to food. At any rate, most times I cook I either catch something on fire, break a dish, hurt myself, or leave the oven on. Thankfully I have safe guards in place to prevent my actually burning down my apartment, but still. Cooking is not my strong suit. So what do I do? I try to make a notoriously difficult dish: good, Italian gnocchi. Gnocchi, for those who are unfamiliar, are little potato pastas. The problem with most gnocchi is the amount of flour used. Too little means the potato won't hold together to create the pasta, but too much makes it incredibly, incredibly mushy and dense. In fact, according to one site, gnocchi's name is an Italian joke of sorts, as "Gnocco" is slang to describe a very dense person. When done well, however, they are soft, delicious potato pillows that literally melt in your mouth. Most gnocchi that I've had does not, but at a hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant outside of Pittsburgh, I was able to taste what I believe to be perfect gnocchi. I'm bound and determined to re-create something close to that amazing flavor and texture.

I have now tried to cook gnocchi twice. The first time was about 2 years ago. The result: completely inedible. And not just inedible by me, but inedible by all those who tried it, including two people who eat everything. I chalked the disaster up to the humidity in the house, as it was summer time and I couldn't really afford to keep the air conditioning running all day. I decided to try it again a few days ago. I re-read the recipe. I bought the ingredients. I made sure to try it in the middle of winter, when I can't really afford heat, hoping that the cold house would fix the problems of my first attempt. Unfortunately, I failed again. This is extremely annoying to me. There are two ingredients in the recipe I use for traditional gnocchi. TWO!!! Potatoes (which I love, for they become french fries) and flour. And I still screw it up. Part of the problem this time, I think, was that I didn't follow the recipe to the letter, which left my potatoes too watery, which in turn caused me to add too much flour to the dough.  But it should be easy. I'm continually baffled by my inability to cook. I'm really good at following directions, and what is cooking but merely following the recipe?  Difficulty shouldn't exist. Just follow the recipe. But I'm also a klutz. I'm now beginning to think that it's my clumsiness that takes away any other asset I have in the kitchen. On the bright side, my second attempt was at least edible. Not edible enough to save the leftovers, but enough to eat the full serving. I'm hoping that the third time will be the charm, but I may just need to add gnocchi to the list of things I can't make, along with Tollhouse cookies.


Today's Wit: Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.