Cooking Curly

I have recently reached a conclusion: I know nothing about curly fries.

This revelation, while causing me to hang my head in shame, has also sent me on a mission to uncover their secrets. But first I want to clarify what I mean by curly fry. I find that there are generally two kinds out there. Those that are seasoned in such a way as to give the fries their orange-ish appearance and those that taste like regular fries, but are simply curly. When I say curly fry, I mean the orange-looking version.

But what is it that gives them their color? What makes them curly? And why do all curly fries essentially taste the same?

I decided that the best way to learn these answers (other than a Google search), would be to learn how to make them myself. So, in spite of my being a complete klutz in the kitchen, that's what I did. I got a recipe from ehow.com, (which you can access here), went grocery shopping for the tools and ingredients needed, and got to work.

I immediately noticed three problems:

Problem #1: I couldn't find the tool that makes the fries curly at either Wal-Mart or Target, and therefore had to make non-curly curly fries.

Problem #2: The recipe calls for boiling water, but never mentions it again. Having no idea what it should be used for, I ignored that step.

Problem #3: The fries will be baked, not fried. While this is probably better for me (the last time I fried something I caught the stove on fire), fries are usually better fried. Still, I stuck to the recipe and decided to bake them.

Despite these issues, I set about making the fries. The process went fairly well. I competently peeled and cut the potatoes, mixed up the batter (added black pepper to the mixture), and baked the fries. Here is the less-than-perfect result:

They're edible, but not nearly as tasty as those found in restaurants. All is not lost, however, as I learned some valuable things: 1. The paprika and cayenne seasonings are what give the curly fry its distinctive color. 2. This recipe calls for more cayenne than I would like (my tongue is still burning a little). 3. Cooking with cayenne makes me sneeze. A lot.

Today's Wit: Many people think that Edgar Allan Poe was a raven madman.